Thursday, April 30, 2009

RGR006 - TTFN

Do the Bonk! (But just this once)
Do the Bonk! (But just this once)

Yeah, I messed up the "dancing" Bonk up there; the animation defaulted back to playing once when I went to save it, and I deleted the source frames. Oh well. Anyway, not to go throwing blame around, but the TurboGrafx-16 emulator I'm using on the PSP has a problem keeping track of more than 10 screenshots at a time, and just starts overwriting old ones when it reaches the 10th. What this means for you is that the majority of the pictures for this post were lost along the way, including boss and final stage pictures. I'll give you everything I've got, though.

Round 3 Boss: Ice Ballerina

Her pattern is simple enough; after emerging from beneath the ice floor in the center of the screen, she moves back and forth in a tight spin, kicking up snowballs when she changes direction. She's invincible until she stops in the center of the screen to do a pirouette, at which point you can head drop onto her one time. The problem that arises is in her height, since I myself took damage every time I hit her. Just like I said I would, I built up my score and stocked up on lives, but she took a couple back. In the end, though, it was enough to beat her.

Really?  You fight with figure skating?
Really? You fight with figure skating?
That is why you fail.
That is why you fail.

Round 4 Boss: Captain Cook (Pictures Lost)

Captain Cook is awfully goofy. He starts out playing Whac-a-Mole with you, popping his head out from any one of three pipes protruding from the ground, until you've done enough damage. Then he takes to the air in a flying warship, sending missiles and fireballs your way. You just have to dodge his attacks until he comes down low enough for you to get above him, and get in a few headbutt drops. Repeat until he's done for.

Round 5 Boss: Unnamed Armored Flying Guy (Pictures Lost)

A proper name isn't given anywhere for this guy, but he appears to be some sort of armored pterodactyl warrior. He fights in two similar phases: a helmeted phase and an unhelmeted phase. When his helmet is on, he just hovers back and forth at the top of the screen, occasionally diving at you. When he dives, you can jump up and drop onto him. Once he loses his helmet, he starts launching flying robotic Bonk-seeking gauntlets, mainly as a distraction. Otherwise, he fights the same way. Take out the gauntlets as soon as they appear, and fight as usual. He's pretty easy.

The final stage is the Moon Pyramid, a series of short levels that can be played in any order, each of which ends with a battle with one of the previous bosses. Once they've all been cleared, the route to the final battle with King Drool III opens.

King Drool is actually too easy, in my opinion. He launches one of three attacks from the top of a pillar in the center of the screen: falling icicles, flaming rocks, or missiles, all of which are easily avoided. Then he floats off one side of the screen, and runs back and forth a couple of times to trample you. A well-timed head drop during each pass will finish him off quickly. Once King Drool is defeated, his moon base is destroyed, and the two halves of the moon reunite. Hooray for Bonk!

But it'll just start waning again next week.
But it'll just start waning
again next week.
Bonk's the ultimate ladies' man.
Bonk's the ultimate ladies' man.

Who're you callin' a booga?
Who're you callin' a booga?
Exclamapses?
Exclamapses?

And that ends yet another fun-filled retro game! I think I'm going to take a hiatus of two weeks or so to get things packed up and moved into the new house, but shortly after that, it's Dragon Warrior III time! YOU CAN'T WAIT!!!

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

RGR Game #006: Bonk's Revenge

Revenge? For what?
Revenge? For what?

As soon as I started Bonk's Adventure, I knew I'd be opening a can of worms. After all, the game's got two official sequels and a spinoff shmup. But that's just the way it goes, so I'm going to go with the flow here and move on to Bonk's Revenge. I should point out that Bonk isn't actually seeking revenge for anything; it was just a questionable choice for a title.

Anyway, the story involves King Drool III, the grandson of King Drool from the first game, constructing a floating fortress out of the top half of the moon. Now it's up to Bonk to beat up the bad guys and make the moon whole once again. At least that's what I infer from the game itself, as the intro given in the instructions almost seems to be describing a different game.

The game itself plays exactly like the first one, with some powerup tweaks, including the ability to freeze enemies with projectiles, breathe fire, and destroy all enemies on the screen with a head drop to the ground. Bonk's appearance has also changed in his most powered-up form, which is best known as Butthead Bonk. See below for the reason.

Note: this batch of screenshots isn't the best, as they've been resized, but they'll do in a pinch. I swear I'll do better next time.

Why would I just play part of the game?
Why would I just play part of the game?
Uhh... NSFW?
Uhh... NSFW?

Yes, Bonk, hop inside the suspicious contraption!
Yes, Bonk, hop inside the
suspicious contraption!
That CAN'T be good for your teeth.
That CAN'T be good for your teeth.


Round 1 Boss: Dodogie

Dodogie's your average crotchety old giant tortoise with a volcano for a shell. Nothing special. He's also very easy to beat, as his only attack involves launching flaming rocks, six at a time, into the air. They fall slowly enough that they're easy to dodge. He then pulls his head and tail out of his shell and stands there absent-mindedly, giving you plenty of time to beat up on him. Just stay away from his spiked tail!

Is that ear hair?
Is that ear hair?
Foiled again!
Foiled again!

Round 2 Boss: Witch Doctor

The Witch Doctor isn't tough to beat, with the only difficulty being the initial jump to get high enough to drop onto him. His attacks consist of wildly trampling you, and some sort of beam which he fires using a targeting reticule on his front horn. I never got hit by it, but I suspect it turns you to stone. Just avoid the beam and jump when he comes at you, and hit him all you can. Easy enough.

Ting tang...
Ting tang...
Walla-walla bing-bang!
Walla-walla bing-bang!

According to the instructions, I've only got 3 continues, so from here on out, I'll be trying to maximize my score to stock up on extra lives. I'd like to clear this one without continuing too.

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

RGR005 - To The Moon!

Ah, the final stage of Bonk's Adventure. Stage 5 is sort of a raid on King Drool's fortress, where you fight your way through a horde of stronger enemies, and then climb the tower. It's kind of sad, though; at the bottom of the tower, all four previous bosses, who have become your friends, are frozen. When you make your way to the top, King Drool re-enslaves them, and you have to return to the bottom to fight them all again. Yeah, I know. Real creative.

Once they're beaten, you move on to fight T. Ractorhead, a sort of dinosaur tank that fights using the previous bosses' weapons. Beating him frees Princess Za, and the two of you make your way via rocket-powered skull to Moonland, which really is on the moon. There, King Drool attacks you in shadow form, teleporting around and creating slow-moving energy rings that you can use to get above him to headbutt his nose. After taking enough damage, the shadow form gives way to King Drool himself, who attacks with flying tridents and tries to drop on top of you. The weak point is the same, so keep at it, and he'll eventually run away to start working on his next plan to generate a predictable video game plot.

Poor Huey...
Poor Huey...
...and poor Gladdis...
...and poor Gladdis...

I see a pattern forming here.
I see a pattern forming here.
Yep, definitely a pattern.
Yep, definitely a pattern.

Yeah, that's a tall waterfall.
Yeah, that's a tall waterfall.
Ooh boy.  Here goes...
Ooh boy. Here goes...

The princess is saved?
The princess is saved?
NOM NOM NOM
NOM NOM NOM

The moon is sad.
The moon is sad.
Oh, no, a carnivorous outline!
Oh, no, a carnivorous outline!

Oh, it's just King Drool.
Oh, it's just King Drool.
Yeah, run away, loser!
Yeah, run away, loser!

Oh, she's pink?
Oh, she's pink?
Cheer up, moon!  Everyone's back!
Cheer up, moon! Everyone's back!

NSFW
NSFW
Yeah, I fought that thing somewhere.
Yeah, I fought that thing somewhere.

Why, you're quite welcome!
Why, you're quite welcome!
Yeah, that's better.
Yeah, that's better.

For now... but we'll meet again, Bonk...
For now... but we'll meet again, Bonk...



And that wraps up another game here at Retro Gamer Ryan! The closing on my house is drawing near, so I think I'll try to squeeze one more short game in before I get settled in, and then it'll be on to Dragon Warrior III. See you then!

Oh, yeah... the catch phrase thing... the last one didn't really work, so...

MISSION ALL OVER!

Sunday, April 26, 2009

RGR Game #005: Bonk's Adventure

Wake up, Bonk!  I want to play!
Wake up, Bonk! I want to play!

It's Sunday, so it's next week now. Wow, how time flies! RGR Game #005 is Bonk's Adventure for the TurboGrafx-16, a fun little platformer starring a hard-headed caveboy named Bonk in his quest... er, Adventure, to save princess Margo (or wait, was it Za?) from the clutches of the evil Stone Wizard... wait, no, that's not right at all.

Hold on, I'm getting my identical formulaic plots confused. This isn't Kid Niki; I'm done with that game.

Okay, here we go...

Bonk's Aventure is the story of Bonk, a hard-headed caveboy who must set out on a quest to rescue princess Za of Moonland from the evil King Drool. Using only his head, Bonk must fight his way through 5 stages of King Drool's minions, facing off at the end of each stage against a brainwashed inhabitant of Moonland, and finally against King Drool himself.

Bonk's attacks are limited to jumping upward into enemies, headbutting them, and flipping over to drop headfirst onto them. You can also flip continuously to float across larger gaps when needed, as flipping slows your rate of descent.

Fun fact: the last section of stage one has you enter a large, brontosaur-like creature via its mouth, fight your way through its nonsensical digestive system, and finally exit through its... yeah. And you don't even get to take a shower afterwards.

Winners Don't Use Drugs™
Winners Don't Use Drugs™
Gee, this looks like a fun ride!
Gee, this looks like a fun ride!

Boss 1: Huey

Huey lumbers around and blows snot bubbles at you. Just avoid them and keep dropping onto the horned... egg helmet... thing on his head. He'll be back to normal in no time.

Need a tissue, buddy?
Need a tissue, buddy?
Shucks, 'tweren't nuthin'!
Shucks, 'tweren't nuthin'!

Boss 2: Gladdis

Gladdis is some kinda ninja. No, really. Shadow clones, shuriken, hanging from the ceiling -- it's all ninja stuff. When there are two of him, you have to hit the correct one. Eventually, he'll start bouncing around on spring shoes, and later, teleporting around and throwing four shuriken at a time. Just be patient, and he's not too tough.

Note: this boss was intended to be male; the glasses are a bit feminine, but he's got a moustache. In Japan, his name is Shurricane (a portmanteau of shuriken and hurricane), which is much manlier.

Get down here so I can whoop you!
Get down here so I can whoop you!
Please, I'm EVERYONE's hero!
Please, I'm EVERYONE's hero!

Boss 3: Kongo Zilla

Kongo Zilla is actually pretty tough. He actively protects his head with punches, and throws chunks of ice at you. Plus, you have to fight him on icy terrain, where one false move can immobilize you and send you sliding into a wall. The trick is to wait for him to dive underground, and then wait for him to come back up (which will always be right next to you) and get above him for some head drops. With practice, he can be beaten with minimal damage taken.

Those are some intimidating pecs.
Those are some intimidating pecs.
It's not hard, man.
It's not hard, man.

Boss 4: Punchy Pedro

Initially, Pedro looks tougher than he is. He punches quickly, and his special attack, a sort of sliding lunge punch, does two full hearts damage and tosses you up out of the screen. When you hit him, he dashes back a little, which allows you to sort of combo him back and forth once you get the timing down. He'll also defend himself by launching rocket-propelled boxing gloves that move toward you slowly. They're easy to take down, though, so concentrate on driving Pedro back and forth, and the fight will be over before you know it.

Float like a REALLY BIG butterfly!
Float like a REALLY BIG butterfly!
Get it?  Bell?  Boxing?  HA HA!
Get it? Bell? Boxing? HA HA!


This was a single-sitting completion done without even continuing, but I'll save the next post until tomorrow just to give my fingers some rest. Until then... hmm... you know, I don't have a sign-off catch phrase, so let's try one out...

FOR GREAT JUSTICE!

RGR004 - Tardiness

Yep, I'm sure it seems like I was wrong and it took me much longer than expected to get through the game. But no, I just had a very busy week and weekend, and had to put off the ending post for Kid Niki. I don't have any clever captions for now, so you'll have to deal with just a bunch of pictures. Maybe I'll update them at some point tomorrow, once I've had some sleep and caffeine. But hey, they're free, so you have no right to complain. Enjoy!

Edit: captions have been added. Whee!

Watch out for acorns!
Watch out for acorns!
You're awfully limber for a statue.
You're awfully limber for a statue.

Eew, she skinned a goat!
Eew, she skinned a goat!
Oh no, he jumped through the screen!
Oh no, he jumped through the screen!

You can't escape this time... right?
You can't escape this time... right?
I don't get it; is he falling?
I don't get it; is he falling?

Yeah, kick him while he's down!
Yeah, kick him while he's down!

New game next week!